Rosie Skene:

Hello, legends and welcome to episode 18 of Triumph Beyond
Trauma it is my absolute pleasure to be here with you today. Last week on June
27 was PTSD awareness day. And it gave me a moment to reflect on my why, why
I'm here and what I hope to achieve out of it all. And it ended up being pretty
simple. I just want to help.

And I want to do that by helping to increase the mental health
literacy. Uh, first responders, veterans, and frontline workers. The more, we
know the better that we can be. Right. I hope that by doing this, whether it's
through this podcast, my social media accounts or my program, the first
responder mental wellness method. That the stigma in relation to having seeking
help for and actively working on mental illness changes. Because let's be real.

It bloody needs to. I want to empower people to stand up for
themselves and to know that it is completely and unashamedly okay. To not be
okay. And whether that is for a short time or a longer period of time. It's
okay. But let's get you the support that you need to get you back on track
having good days again.

I encourage you. If you have a little spark of, light to share,
to get in touch with your mates, your loved ones, and to support them, however
you can.

Today. I am having a chat with Trudie Marie.

Trudie describes itself as an ordinary woman who feels like
she's led an extraordinary life. Trudie raised two children, solo, who've grown
into. Into lovely. The young adults. I'm fulfilling. On their dreams. And she's
been married twice. Her American husband.

And her currently live in regional Western Australia, about
four hours from Perth, with their two dogs.

Trudie has spent the past two years discovering who she really
is after being diagnosed with post-traumatic stress and going through the
process of being medically. retired from the Western Australia police.

Trudie explored a number of modalities as part . Of her.
recovery journey, Which included hiking the 1000 kilometre Bibulmen Track. solo
Over nine weeks.

Prior to being a police officer, she worked in many different
industries, adding significant value to organizations, cultivating positive
community relationships to bring about progressive change.

Trudie's experiences have taught her. It's not just about being
a survivor in this lifetime, but about reviving, blooming and flourishing to
live a life. She loves. I can't wait for you to listen to these one so let's
get into it.

Intro:

Welcome
to Triumph Beyond Trauma, the podcast that explores journeys of resilience and
hope. I'm Rosie Skene a yoga and breathwork teacher and founder of Tactical
Yoga Australia. As a former soldier's wife, mum to three beautiful kids and a
medically retired NSW police officer with PTSD, I understand the challenges of
navigating mental health in the first responder and veteran community.

Join us for incredible stories from individuals who've
confronted the depths of mental illness and discovered their path to happiness
and purpose, as well as solo episodes and expert discussions. Together, we'll
uncover the tools to help you navigate your journey toward a brighter future.
Whether you're looking for helpful insights, practical tips, or just a friendly
reminder that you're not alone, Triumph Beyond Trauma has got your back.

You matter, and your journey to a happier, more meaningful life
starts right here.

Trudie welcome to the podcast. Thanks so much for joining me
today.

Trudie Marie:

You're
welcome. It's a privilege to be here.

Rosie Skene:

I would
love to start, , with wherever you would like to start in your journey, with, ,
West Australia Police. Correct. So I'd love to know, you know, , how that came
about for you.

Trudie Marie:

So it
came about in , I'm going to say around 2013, 2014, , I was participating in
some, , professional development at the time. And one of the things that came
to me was that. I'd had this childhood dream, , of when I was about 10 or 11
living next door to police officers in this small country town and I wanted to
be him.

And he had said to me at the time, it's not a job for women.
And going back to the early 80s. It probably wasn't. And he wasn't saying it in
a detrimental way. It was that he was looking at this young girl, quite
innocent, quite naive. And he's like, I don't want to expose you to whatever
we're dealing with.

But I took that to mean that I wasn't good enough. And it's,
that's had a profound impact on my life. But I watched a whole bunch of people
growing up, like once I became an adult, watching all of my friends. And
different people in my life join. And I went to, I think about. Ceremonies,
just never my own.

And so after doing this professional development and turning 40
was probably the crux of like, you know what, no, one's going to tell me I
can't do this. I'm going to do it. So I didn't tell my family, which was one of
the first times in my life. I've ever. Not told my family what I'm doing or ask
for their permission or approval.

I literally just told my kids, I said, this is something I'm
going to do. I know you're teenagers, but is this going to be okay? And they're
like, yeah, go for it, mom. So I did, I set about training and set about
applying. And then in 2016, I. was accepted in, I did get back squatted, uh,
due to an injury. So I was delayed about six months in starting.

but my time was my time
in April of 2016.

Rosie Skene:

So when
did, where did you go? And I don't know much about West Australia police. Is
there a training facility in Perth or?

Trudie Marie:

It is,
it's in Joondalup, , in the northern suburbs and it's a 28 week course. So I,
so yeah, started in April and graduated at the end of October.

And yeah, it was pretty full on. It was one of the most intense
periods of my life of what the hell am I doing? But yeah. I got through it and
I was very keen and eager to, to get going and live this childhood dream.

Rosie Skene:

And how
was your dream? Where did you end up out of college?

Trudie Marie:

, so
straight from the academy, I ended up on the booze bus, which is what everybody
hates.

But, , I actually really
enjoyed it because at the academy you don't learn too much about road policing.
It's kind of a gloss over. And so to spend that time actually learning, and I
was one of the, because I was a mature recruit, , I spent a lot of time, you
know, talking with the, the older senior Connie's and the sergeant and building
relationships with them , to learn.

So I actually really enjoyed that experience. , I was there for
about six months, I think, and then went to, at the time, , WA police was
divided into two divisions, , response and local policing. So one team would go
out and attend the jobs and the other team would actually investigate down the
track.

So I was sent to Northwest Metro response, which was a large
area of the Northern suburbs, pretty much my backyard, in the sense of where
I'd lived with my parents and where I was living with my kids. I knew that area
like the back of my hand. So that proved great when you were driving to jobs
because I never read the map.

I'd just be like, go here, go here, go here. which made life
heaps easy for me because I felt like. I know the area. I just need to now deal
with the job. So that was cool. I was there for about, oh, I'm going to say
close on 12 months. And then an opportunity came up. I was one of those people,
the nerds that would read the job.

Uh, like the job opportunities, because I wanted to see what
movement there was and who was going where. And I also used to read the Gazette
every week and people are like, why? And I'm like, because it's all part of the
learning. Like just, I was thriving on all this new information. So I'd seen a
job advertised for a project and.

I was like, I had, so prior to being a police officer, I was a
jack or Jill of all trades. I'd worked in multiple different industries and to
management level, like the largest team I've ever led is about 70 odd people.
And then I was a property manager as well at one stage. So I had a portfolio of
about a hundred houses.

So I was used to dealing with, you know, a hundred houses, a
hundred tenants, a hundred owners. So about 300 people. So The management stuff
didn't bother me at all. In fact, that was probably what I was good at. And so
I took this project. It's like, I want to know a bit more about this. And so,
and I misread the ad cause I thought it started at the end of my probation.

So I was like, you know what?, I'll apply anyway. And I sent an
email to the Sergeant and he actually called me back going. One. Like, thank
you. But two, why is a probie like asking to be on this project? And I said,
well, I'm not a 20 something year old probie probie. I'm a 40 year old probie
who has an experience of management and training and leadership, and it seems
what this project is about, and I'd love to know more from the other side.

So he said, look, apply. So I did, and they wouldn't accept the
application. And so I applied again, and they still wouldn't accept it. So I'd
sent it to him anyway, directly, because he'd asked for it. And so he had that
submission. And then it was approved, like I was to get the job. And then, you
know, Probational development wouldn't actually release me.

So it took an assistant commissioner to actually email and go,
you will transfer this constable straight away. And so I ended up on this
project, which literally sent me around the state of WA training officers, way
more superior than me. Which obviously I got questioned about because it's
like, you know, blank shoulders, no stripes.

Why are you taming me? And I said, don't shoot the messenger. I
may not know about policing yet or enough about policing, but I know how to
train and manage. And right now, could you get up and do my job? of standing in
front of all of you and train all of you. And they're like, no, I said, well,
that's what my skill is in this case.

So don't shoot the messenger. And it was really cool. Cause
then when I finished that project and went to a station, I actually had the
senior sergeant of the station constantly ask me questions about, you know, is,
is this right? Is this how we read it and stuff? And I was like, yeah, you know
what, this is my skillset, your skillsets over there, let's learn from each
other.

So that was a really. Awesome part of my career. And then the
two years I spent at that station was also brilliant. I had an amazing team. I
had a sergeant who'd been a detective. So he was able to train me a lot more on
that side of things. So my investigative skills became like better, uh, and
more clarified and.

I just really enjoyed getting to know the job. And then my
husband joined, , because we'd met and he was kind of living vicariously
through me and decided that he would join the job as well. So he had joined and
graduated and. then we decided to go regional. And so we went to our first
regional location, which was actually my home, like my, when I say my hometown,
it was the town I was born in.

but it was also in the
Goldfields region, which is where I grew up. So I felt like I was going back to
somewhere vaguely familiar and for my husband, he just wanted out of the city
anyway. So he was a country boy as So that's what we did. And for the first 12
months, I absolutely loved it. And it was brilliant.

And then that's when I hit my roadblocks.

Rosie Skene:

Okay.
How remote was the town?

Trudie Marie:

so it
is eight hours from Perth.

Rosie Skene:

Oh yeah.

Trudie Marie:

And it
is, so it's six hours from Perth to Kalgoorlie and then it's another two hours
north to get to

Rosie Skene:

Wow. And
what's the population there?

Trudie Marie:

Um, so
it varies because it's a mining town as well.

So there can be a little bit higher population living there. So
I think it's about, I want to say 1500 maybe. Um, but there's a fluctuating,
population on top of that, that's related to mining.

Rosie Skene:

Yeah. So
you and your husband were both policing the town?

Trudie Marie:
Correct. There was eight. I think eight officers, so seven officers and a
sergeant who was OIC of the station.

And yeah, so there was like us and six others basically.

Rosie Skene:

Yeah.
Okay. I've, I've, I have also worked in a remote town and it had about 2, 300
people. Um, but at the time that I think, I don't even know how many cops were
there, maybe 30. It could have been more, it was a main station for the area.

, but to have just seven people there. That's not many.

Trudie Marie:

Yeah,
and it probably does need more because it is a highly volatile town. It's, ,
half indigenous, half Caucasian working, and it's also a three ways from
Kalgoorlie, then up north, , heading north into the Pilbara, and then heading
east. So it's very, very transient, , different number of people at any one
time.

I know my husband and I have just been through there in the
last couple of days. I was coming back from holidays and they'd had three
funerals and had another two coming up, all indigenous. And so the fluctuation
of people coming in and out of town is just incredible. And yeah, seven or
eight people is not enough.

Rosie Skene:

And
those funerals can be massive. , even if They are, they're huge. They're huge.
Big celebrations too afterwards, , which you definitely need some police around
for.

Trudie Marie:

Yeah,
and because of the lack of transport too, is that people can come in from off
the lands or from surrounding towns, and if the bus only goes through once a
week, They're coming in like a week before and staying a week after or things
like that.

So it's not like it's just in town for one day and gone again.
It's they're in town for a while and the more people you have, the more alcohol
there is, the more volatile the situation becomes. So yeah, ends up being
crazy.

Rosie Skene:

Yeah. I
definitely dealt with my fair share of those sort of, uh, situations. Um, so
what happened for you out there?

Trudie Marie:

So it
took until after I left there for me to be diagnosed with PTS. Um, but prior to
that, so literally on the first day of going to the town, I had a female
officer who was set to work with us for the day and introduce us to the town.

say some personal stuff, like she'd heard some stuff about me
and it was all negative and I was like, one, why are you saying this stuff to
me? Two, why are you saying it to me on the first day, like of meeting me? But
three, more importantly was like, who the hell has been saying stuff about me?
Like, Because I'd just come from this team that was really close knit, really
amazing.

So who was talking out of school? Who had a beef with me , so
that made me really start to internalize and look at, you know, what's been
going on. And I, I lacked confidence straight away. Um, but as far as the job
goes, I was also Like right into it. Cause this was my chance to actually make
my mark and do my thing and police the way I wanted to police.

Cause I loved the idea of community policing. So I also set
about getting to know the town, getting to know the structure and the hierarchy
of the people in the town. Cause obviously, as you would know, from working
with indigenous is that everybody's mother, brother, uncle, aunt, whatever, but
you need to actually know who belongs to who.

Right. So I spent time doing that and mapping it out, and I had
a map in the station and a spreadsheet of who was related to who and who to
call on for different people. And the senior officers didn't like it. They're
like, Oh, you don't need that. It's a waste of time. I said, it's might be a
waste of time for you.

But not for me. This is like, this is how I'm getting to know
the town. And then the other thing I did was that I approached the shire,
because obviously in a town like that there's no postal delivery, so there's no
post boxes, um, or like mailboxes on the street. So you didn't know what house
was what. And as new officers trying to get to know it, I was like, why is
there no marking on the kerb?

So I approached the sergeant. He said, I don't want a bar of
it. You go to the shire. So I did. I went to the shire, explained the situation
and said, it's not just for our benefit. It's for the paramedics as well. Can
we have the curb marking done and can we have it glow in the dark so that we
can see it at night time?

And it was done. So that pissed a couple of senior officers off
as well, because they're like, oh, you know, you shouldn't be doing that. And
I'm like, whatever. You just Um, and then I started to get to know the elders.
So when we'd first moved into the town, there was a funeral and one of the, um,
liaison officers I spoke with, and I said to her, look, I was still, I was born
in this town and I was also delivered by an Aboriginal midwife.

And I said, so I have connections to the town. She said, use
it. Use it because you are not just then a white copper coming into the, like a
city copper coming in and trying to pull their weight. You are from here. So I
did that and the, the response from the elders was amazing. Like they were,
they realised that I was exactly that I was from the land.

I was caring about them. I wanted to do things good ways and I
was getting amazing response for them. Like they were calling me and be like,
Oh, can you come and sort this out? Or can you come and do this? And can you
come and have a chat to this person? And that's what we, my husband and I
started doing.

So we had built a great rapport and I could literally go out
into the community and I'd call on them on the day shift. Just dropping in and
speaking to the elders, but getting all the gossip as well. So you knew what
was going on in your town. , and then I also did that with the two pubs. I
found, , I made creative relationships with the two publicans.

I worked out how much
alcohol was going out into the community. If, especially if I was on the
afternoon shift, I'd be monitoring so that I could say, right, this is, we're
going to either have a good pub, night or a bad night, depending on what
alcohol is in the town. And people come to know that about me.

And so I was just creating this best possible situation in a
really volatile town. And so yeah, one that pissed off a few of the senior
officers there, including this first female. , and then it kind of then
changed. So she left, but then another guy came in and, He was the same way. He
started policing very much of a us against them mentality and doing a couple of
things that, you know, I didn't really like, but I was like, well, that's him,
not me.

and then I happened to
make a comment to him about some other officers I knew, cause they worked at
the same station that he had had at one stage and they just had a baby. So I'd
said like, you know, this couple have just had a baby. Did you hear the news?
And for whatever reason on his part, he took that to mean.

Something completely different about maybe what I knew about
him from a previous station or something and literally turned against me. And
I'm talking covert filming. I'm talking not telling me about jobs. I'm like
ostracizing me, not talking to me about or at all, not handing over on shift.
I'm talking to my husband who was a probationer at the time and I was a first
class.

And he was telling. Like my husband, what was going on, but not
me and little things like that. But then it started infiltrating into the
community and he was trying to turn the community against me, both elders and
business owners. And it got to the point where I was literally just. Going to
work worried and anxious.

I even had another
officer who at the time was not kitting up properly. So I would be the only
female or the only officer on duty, like kitted up. And if we had to go to a
job, he wouldn't, he would either not be kitted up or any half kitted up. So
that made me feel unsafe because, you know, he wasn't doing the right thing.

And the Sergeant wasn't doing anything about it either. Cause I
was telling the Sergeant what was going on, but he wasn't enforcing him to, to
kid up. And so I, yeah, if I wasn't going to work extremely anxious, I was
going home from work in tears. And it got so bad that I said to my husband, we
have to.

Like, we have to get out. I can't continue working and living
in this way. this is not good for my mental health. So we set about asking for
a transfer, which we got, but then the transfer process took about 12 weeks,
which is double the length of time it's supposed to take. , but this was right
at sort of in during COVID and, you know, transport and transfers were, while
they were down on paper there.

logistics of getting it done was different. And so within that
six months or that 12 weeks, sorry, of getting the transfer, we had a string of
jobs that was just any one of those on their own probably would have been
enough to cause a little bit of PTS. But given that my mental health was
already so low, and then having this string of really severe jobs in that time,
, You know, including like attempted suicides and a near fatal road accident
that I actually had to help save the lady.

, It just, it made things really difficult. So by the time we
did move to the next location, I was like, I'm out of here. Let's go. Let's
start afresh. Let's, you know, I wasn't even dealing with all the crap, but I
was like, let's just go. But by the time I got to that station, my name was
already mud. Like any.

agency grapevine. People had started talking, people had heard
shit, and the reception I got in comparison to my husband was completely
different. So I further spiralled downwards and ended up having the breakdown
that I was trying to avoid by leaving. So it was, It was not good.

Rosie Skene:

It's horrible. Um, something that I think about policing is the job's great.

Like I loved the job, um, and I, like you, I really enjoyed the
community policing, especially I did, know, 90 percent of my career in the
bush, , out West in New South Wales. And I loved it. I love the people. , I
love locking up crooks, but for me too, it was the internal stuff. , That
tipped me over the edge as well.

And it's, it's such a sad thing that, , that I just don't know
why. I don't know why people are like that. , especially within that
organisation, because it can work so much better when you work together. And I
think it's because some people feel threatened, , by someone that actually
tries , and he's doing a good job, you know, they, A similar thing happened to
me, , as acting Sergeant and, you know, I sent out a few emails, you need to do
this.

We need to do that. And then other Sergeant's would go to me.
Whoa, whoa, that's a bit much. , and I'm like, Oh, it's, it's on the checklist
that we've got to do these things. , and they just don't like it. And, and then
it filters down into other people as well. So it really sucks. , and I feel for
you.

Trudie Marie:

Yeah, it does.

And I, and what frustrates me more than anything is that they
promote this whole thin blue line and the blue family and we support one
another. And it's excuse my French. It's a fucking crock of shit because it is
literally. all for one another and they will look for promotion and walk over
whoever they want to get promoted.

, they will do their own thing to like make it advantageous to
themselves. And they definitely do not like women. If you get a boys club, they
will literally single out that female, which is what happened to me. Like it
became, there was like three guys. A fourth and fifth on the Verge. , but there
were three main males that literally kind of ganged up on me and the sergeant
didn't do anything.

And even when it came to going and fronting the medical board,
, and talking about my career and talking about it, I, once I started and sat
down and wrote after, which I couldn't do until after the bib track, , I sat
down and wrote. a statement, but my statement was like a high school essay,
wasn't formulated like a normal police statement, but it was something like, I
don't know, nearly 20, 000 words or something about my whole experience.

Because what I realized is that there was this underlying
sentiment of bullying and harassment done at various levels in various ways.
Throughout my whole time, like even working on the project that I'd worked on,
I had an officer say to me, Oh, you're that officer that had the affair at the
academy. And I'm like, I'm sorry, what?

Like, you don't even know me from a bar of soap and you're
believing some gossip. And I'm like, God, if that type of gossip's out there
about me, like, what the hell? So I'd already started to encounter that kind of
stuff. , and then at other stations, like there were just particular males that
would do certain shit.

And they're like, oh, that's just him. Actually, no, that's not
okay. Like, it's not just him that needs to be ruled out. And it never is. And
it gets. put under the carpet. So fronting the medical board with that
statement. And they said to me, could you not become like a civilian officer
and like still work within the agency?

And I'm like, you find me a place in the agency that my name
isn't mud and I will gladly do that. But the thing I think you're going to
struggle with is that nobody is going, I'm never going to be able to go
anywhere without my name being mud. And so that's going to cause constant
mental anguish for the rest of my career.

Like this is not possible.

Rosie Skene:

,
doesn't it? Like that little bit of mud. Yes. Yeah. So what did you do when you
left, cause you'd transferred to a new place with your husband? Yeah. So

Trudie Marie:

I lasted there about three months before actually having the breakdown I was
trying to avoid. And I went on leave, like I literally had a breakdown at work,
found myself literally on the floor in the female toilets crying on a shift and
going, I'm not in a good place.

I need some help. Excuse me, the doctor I went to said, you are
showing clear signs of PTS, I need to get you to Perth to a psychiatrist as
soon as possible. So unfortunately I had to wait a couple of weeks to do that,
managed to get into a psychologist prior to that. And then the beginning of
2022, I was admitted to Perth Clinic.

For two weeks as an outpatient, uh, dealing with some stuff
there. So that's how serious it got. And I know that I'm nowhere near means.
Um, having, you know, there are other people worse than me out there, but in my
circumstances, that was part of my rock bottom.

Rosie Skene:

Yeah. I think something that a lot of, especially cops do is we always think that
someone's always got it worse than us.

And, you know, maybe it's not that bad. , I think, you know,
when you are at that stage where you like, this is not good, this is not normal
for me. It is that bad. , other people's stories might look different, but you
know, we're allowed to accept that things aren't going well for us.

Trudie Marie:

Yeah,
and I think I, I really actually sort of gained that clarification in my last,
so I've only just been, I was medically retired in March.

I had my final morning tea, get together, whatever, in June.
And I was literally the youngest career of everybody and I was the youngest
person as well. , and looking at these people who'd done 20, 30 years, even
like 15 years plus within the agency. And I was, part of me felt like a real
rookie, , that like, Oh, I feel like I almost feel ashamed that I'm being
medically retired out after eight years when these people have done like 20 and
30.

But they came up to me at the end, , cause in giving our little
speeches, I broke down and I said, I've had a career cut short and I'm
devastated that I will never fulfil on my potential in the agency because it's
been cut short. And they said to me. Good on you for actually speaking up now
and not waiting 20 or 30 years to be medically retired out because once it
happens, it's with you, like the PTS will be with you and then you're dealing
with it.

And like one of the guys who had joined quite young said, you
know, it becomes normal because. You're doing the job every day and you're
doing it day in day out that those things just become like, and it almost
snowballs to the effect where it gets to 30 years and you're screwed. And he
said, you're actually getting out now after eight years because you've
recognized it straight away and you've done something about it.

And he said, so kudos to you for doing that. So I looked at
that and went, You know what? Yeah, this is my story. This is how it's happened
for me. I wish it had never happened that way, but I got the help when I needed
it without ruining the rest of my life and without getting heavily involved
into. you know, drugs, alcohol, gambling, all the negative downward spiral
paths that you could go through.

Rosie Skene:

Yeah. I had a conversation with a friend recently about exactly that. , , having a
career that's long and the older you get, you know, the more of those. Little
symptoms that come into your life that you don't really recognise because it
just becomes a part of you. And I think it's so prevalent in people with a,
like an extensive service period.

and as well as that,
there's, there's no mental health literacy, , in those early days for those
officers either. , and the guilt and shame was, would have been there a lot
more shame than what there is now about speaking up, even though. I know it's
still a lot of lip service, , from organisations, but there is that little bit
more education out there and people speaking up, , about what symptoms look
like and, , and how they can present differently in, in different people.

So I think you're right. , and those guys are right that you
spoke to that sometimes it just becomes who you are until it's so bad. , That
unfortunately it's, it's no good at all. , and they have lost, , whatever
future they might've had at retirement after they get to their, , 25, 30, 40
years, , they're cooked.

Trudie Marie:

Yeah.
And I think like looking at some of the people that I spoke to that day, there
were like five of us in total and you could really see it on their faces and on
their family's faces that this has really taken a toll on everybody. I know it
took a toll on my family. I mean, I, at my worst, I became, like, I was
diagnosed with manic depressive order as well, and.

I became agoraphobic. Like I couldn't leave my house. I could
barely get out of bed, let alone leave the house. And so for me to walk the bib
track, that was a huge step back to getting me on the right road to recovery.
Because yeah, I lost. Every sense of whom I think I wasn't showering, I look
back at that time and go, wow, Trudie, like, what the hell?

Because it was such a deep, dark place. Like, where did I go?
What did I do? Who did I become in that period? And my family were really
worried about me. And, you know, You know, getting myself out of that is
probably one of my greatest achievements. And the bib track started that, but
turning it around and going, no, I'm not going to let this destroy the rest of
my life.

Like I'm not even 50 yet. I don't want to spend the next like
20, 30 years in the worst place of my life. I'd much rather be celebrating
life.

Rosie Skene:

Yeah.
Something that, , I think we both share is that we're both unmedicated for our
mental illnesses. Is that true?

Trudie Marie:

Yes, I didn't, I refused medication. I was like, nope, that's a band aid fix.

I, to be honest, I don't even take Panadol and Nurofen. Like
I'm, I don't even take that side of medication. So there was no way that I was
going to be put on these drugs that were going to make me numb. I wanted to get
to the bottom of it and learn to deal with it. So that's when I started
exploring. a whole bunch of other modalities.

everything from, I did
deep self hypnosis, I did kinesiology, , I did like a lot of yoga, meditation,
breath work. Um, I did ice baths and then I just got out into nature and walked
and just, yeah, grounded.

Rosie Skene:

Is the
bib track?

The bib bien track.

Trudie Marie:

The
Bibulman

track, yeah. Oh yeah. So it goes from Calend in the Perth
Hills. Mm-Hmm. down to Albany on the south coast.

Rosie Skene:

Wow.

Trudie Marie:

And
it's, and according, according to the halfway point, it says 501 kilometres
either way. So it's about a thousand and two kilometres.

There's been a couple of new diversions or like new changes to
the track. So I dunno if that's added or taken away some of the distances, but
it's a thousand k's

Rosie Skene:

and you just walked it.

Trudie Marie:

Yeah.

Rosie Skene:

Did you
do any training for that?

Trudie Marie:

I did.
So the whole thing started with me re-watching Wild with Reese Witherspoon.

So the story of Cheryl Strayed hiking the PCT and I'd seen it
when it first came out and obviously it was just a movie, but when I watched it
again with my husband, , so this is going back probably September, October of
22. , I said to my husband, she's on a mental health journey. This is, this
would be good for me.

I think I'm going to do it. And he's like, what? Hike the PCT.
And I was like, not a chance. I said, maybe something a little bit closer to
home. And so the bib track was it, and he's like, how much are you going to do?
And I'm like, The whole thing and that was so far beyond me because I'd only
ever hiked like day hikes.

My, my regular hike on the West Coast is about 10, 11 Ks. So I
was used to doing that and I'd done a couple of 15 K like bigger hikes in the
bush and stuff, but I'd never overnight hiked. I'd never camped. I hate
camping. I still hate camping, , and I had no gear. So I literally had to
research and buy everything and yeah, start training.

Didn't train enough. I can tell you that, not enough leg work,
but , yeah, I just basically set a date. This is what I'm starting and I

did it.

Rosie Skene:

How long
did it take?

Trudie Marie:

I did
it in 64 days. So I had a rest day in every track town, which people choose to
or not choose to, it's entirely up to them. But I wanted to look after me and
my body and I wanted an out in case I had to leave the track for whatever
reason.

So yeah, I had a rest day in every track town. So there's, um,
I think there's about seven or eight along the way.

Rosie Skene:

Okay.

Trudie Marie:

That
doesn't seem like enough for me. Okay. Bye. No, the hardest, the hardest week
was probably the first week in the sense of I started on my period. So all I
wanted to do was curl up in a ball anyway, it was still quite warm and I
realized how unfit and carrying my near 20 kilo pack was going to be more
arduous than I actually thought.

Rosie Skene:

Yeah.
Yeah.

How many kilometres is that a day then?

Trudie Marie:

You end
up averaging around 20.

Rosie Skene:

Yeah.
That's incredible.

Trudie Marie:

Yeah.
So some shorter days, some longer days, but on average you're doing about 20.

Rosie Skene:

And did
you have a support crew like to meet you up in those towns and refuel, or you
just literally just did it all by yourself?

Trudie Marie:

I did it all by myself. So what I did was prior to starting the track, I actually
cooked. Dehydrated and vacuum packed probably about 90 percent of my food. So
lunches and dinners. , and then I created these little resupply boxes and I
spent one day driving from Perth to Denmark to drop off all the boxes, , along
the way.

So that I had them at the visitor centre when I arrived. And
the only time I didn't was in Walpole. My husband came and met me before he
flew home to the States while I was on the track. And then. In the longest
section, there's a section from UND to dwelling up. It was the opposite for me,
but it's 200 Ks with no town, no nothing in between.

So you need what they call a track angel to deliver your stuff.
So hubby came out and delivered my stuff for that.

Rosie Skene:

Wow.
Just those logistics, how long did it take for you to plan it?

Trudie Marie:

So,
literally , so literally my husband gave me my tent for Christmas and. Then I
started on the 1st of April. So what's that three months.

Rosie Skene:

Wow.
That's incredible. , and how was it? Was it a mental health journey for you?

Trudie Marie:

It was
the hardest, but best thing I've ever done in my life, other than giving birth
to my two children. Um, no, it was incredible. I. You have to get back to
grassroots and it's literally a game of survival.

It's you against the world in the sense of you have to carry
all your own gear. You have to cook all your own food. Um, you have to set up
your bed every night and pack it up every morning. And. It's just you and you
and the world. And the only place, the only way to get from point A to point B
is for you to walk it and no one's coming to help you.

There's no lifeline. It's you doing it on your own. And for me,
that was like exactly what I needed.

Rosie Skene:

Wow.
That's, yeah, I find that so incredible. How did your kids feel about it? Were
they freaking out?

Trudie Marie:

No, my kids are adults now. So, , they're 22 and 23 and they, they were just fully
supportive of me. They have always been supportive of me.

And, . They were surprised because they were like, how is mom
going to go on this? They know that I don't care. They know that I love hiking,
but, and they also knew I'd been in a really, really dark place. So they were,
they had their concerns. Like everybody did. , everybody who knew me was like,
what the hell are you doing?

Um, is this safe? Is this okay? I'm like, I have the support of
my doctor at my side. So at the moment, they're the two people that, Matter the
most and I'm going to do it. And I did.

Rosie Skene:

Yeah. I know, , some people that have done an, a walk, um, but in a group and they took
a long time, they took their time to plan it and organise it because of the
logistics of having such a big group do it.

And then afterwards, um, it sort of was a bit of an anti-climax, so they went into a bit of

a dark place after the walk, um, because I
think maybe they didn't have, you know, that, that thing that they were always
working towards in that sense of purpose. Did anything like that happen for
you?

Trudie Marie:

I was, I thought about that at the beginning.

So one of the things that I had discovered in doing my research
was that everybody who walks from Kalamund to Albany, um, because Albany is on
the South coast, is that people feel that there's a bit of an anti climax when
you get in because It's, you just get there and you sign the book and it's all
over.

So I made the choice for two reasons. One being the weather and
I didn't want to be on the coast as I become closer to winter and the harsher
weather. So I was walking away from the weather. I also wanted to walk north
because for me, it was like, walking upward, walking towards my North Star. So
mentally there was that.

Um, but most importantly, I wanted my family and friends there
at the finish line. And so I did like walking off the track, I actually had
somebody from Buddy Up Australia meet me about two Ks.

on the last leg. So she helped walk me out, which was a great
distraction. And then getting to the bottom of the last hill, I can see my
family at the top. So I had my son there with my daughter on. And my daughter
and my sister on FaceTime because they live in Bali. I had one sister there
with my mom on FaceTime. I had the other sister there with my dad on FaceTime.

I had my husband there and I had a couple of friends there and
just And my, I had my two nieces holding up a sign, welcoming me home. So just
to walk into that, , was such a beautiful, like moment of like one achievement
for me that yes, I'd actually done it, but having those people celebrate with
you.

And then we all went to lunch and then I had planned, , a
couple of days in an Airbnb, beautiful little Airbnb I'd stayed in before. Just
to recuperate and then go and do all the, you know, the girly things that I
hadn't done for the last two months. So, I think because I'd planned it to come
off that in a celebratory, self caring way, I don't think I had that slump
because when I went home after being in Perth, because we were living, , two
hours away from Perth at the time, , with hubby's work, I went into this flurry
of like cleaning and decluttering and realising, cause on the track you realise
that you don't need much.

So I was able to just go into that mode. You had a new purpose
maybe.

Rosie Skene:

A hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. And I think purpose, like I was talking to my
husband, I think about this yesterday or the day before. Like it's a common
thing with everyone that I speak to on the podcast is that you really need to
have something like, it doesn't even matter what it is, but just something
that'll get you out of bed in the morning or just keep you going and keep your
mind active.

And I think, , obviously for you it's the walk and then all the
decluttering. Like I had my own decluttering journey, which was so good. Oh my
gosh. I'll never go back. so much. Um, yeah, something, I think it's so
important, right? Like with mental health is to have something that you're
doing and, and to have some sort of purpose.

Trudie Marie:

Yeah.
And I think across life in general, we tend to do that. Like we're always
booking that maybe one annual holiday for the year or something, which is Gives
you something to work into or a hobby that you're working towards. , at the
moment, the town I'm living in, we're creating, , or they do a little pop up
shop for wildflower season.

And so I've been busy creating stuff for that because one of
the things I learned to do in my. Mental health journey was draw mandalas and,
or mandalas, depending on how you say it. , and I do that. And for me, that's
just so therapeutic, but just being able to create that for this pop up shop,
because while I was with WA police, I wasn't able to sell them.

So I was giving them all away and now I have a chop, like an
opportunity to share my art with other people. So I'm creating it with a
purpose, but I'm finding it so therapeutic at the same time. So it's like a win
win.

Rosie Skene:

Yeah.
Oh, that's nice. I love that idea of a wildflower pop up.

So after the bib track, what do you do now, , to support your
mental wellness?

Trudie Marie:

So I
have an amazing support network of people that I can call on, , that I can
actually, yeah, go to and have those conversations with and say, look, today's
not a good day.

Can I just run by this past you? , but in general, I, daily
practices of meditation, breathwork, journaling. , I go to yoga, even though
we're in a really small town, there's a lady that does yoga here. , worst case
scenario, I just do my own yoga practice. , I have a gym set up in my backyard
so that I can.

you know, at least do a workout. Cause I love the movement, ,
to get rid of everything. , and then I have a little sauna ice bath set up so I
can do that as well. , I drink cacao every day. So it's all those little things
that actually set me up. And then I have the practices that I also then go to
of things like drawing my mandalas or reading or bubble baths, like whatever
is, you know, I feel necessary, , and then where I can, I get over to the coast
because I love being near water.

So it's a half hour drive to get me to the coast, but that half
an hour sometimes is desperately needed. And I just walk for about six or seven
Ks on the beach.

Rosie Skene:

Yeah, it
is all those little things. And I live near the beach now. I didn't for a
while, but I do. I grew up in the same place I live now. Um, and the ocean,
there's something about it, right?

That's, um, it's really healing.

Trudie Marie:

It is.
And it's my favorite place to be. And yeah, hubby knows that if I'm jumping in
the car to go for a drive and, and go for a walk along the beach, that I'm not
probably in a great place, but like I, he knows that when I come back, I'll be
better. So,

Rosie Skene:

. I love
that you know yourself, you know, you're so in tune with what you need as well,
like to.

To be able to know that you can pick and choose like what you
need on any particular day or however you're feeling. And to be able to go and
do that, like it takes a great amount of emotional intelligence from within.

Trudie Marie:

And I
think that's the work that I've been doing, like all the work that led up to me
walking on the bib track, , and trying all the different modalities.

Like that for me was the missing link is that I was trying all
these different things, but no one thing was sticking. And then when I did the
bib track, obviously it's just you and your pack. So you've got no connection
really to the outside world and nothing available to you. You have to rely on
your own instincts.

And so, you know, some days that was getting into camp and
literally lying down cause I was stuffed and couldn't, couldn't move. But I
would ground every day. Like people would laugh at me like Trudie, why haven't
you got shoes on? Like you're walking around on, you know, pea gravel and like
bark mulch and the dirt and stuff like hobbling.

And they're like, Put some shoes on. I'm like, no, I'm
grounding. I'm letting the earth heal me. , I would tree hug when I could on
the bib track, like wherever I could and needed that extra energy. I would get
up in the morning and do some yoga stretching and, or sit and do some breath
work and meditation just to start my day.

So it was all those things that I realized that it wasn't just
one modality that I was going to be able to take with me. It was like all these
little bits and take what I needed to do. When I needed it. And that's what I'm
doing now. Like I take what I need when I need it. So. I think there's no one
size fits all.

There's no one miraculous thing that you're going to use to
recover. It's just taking a little bit of everything when you need it.

Rosie Skene:

Yeah, I
agree. I like to refer to it as a tactical options model, like in the cops,
when you've got your firearm and your baton and all your, all your other
things. All the things that you might need at any given time.

Your mental health recovery should be exactly like that. You
have your GP and your psychiatrist, but then you have all these other things
that you can do, um, to support your mental health.

Trudie Marie:

I never
looked at it that way, but I absolutely love that because it's so true. Like
you are given all these tactical options and you draw on whichever one you
need.

Um, yeah, mental health is definitely the same. You have all
these options and you just draw on whichever one at the time suits you.

Rosie Skene:

Yeah, a
hundred percent. So have you written a book?

Trudie Marie:

I have.
So when I was on the Bibbulmun track, I kept a journal and I'm a bit of a
perfectionist. So I had this little guideline that I put at the front of the
very first journal and said, like, you know, what I was going to write every
day or what I needed to write in every day.

So it was literally like the day, the date, the time I walked.
The camp I went to and from, the people I met, how my mind and body was and
what the hut was like. And so I did that every day, including whatever I dealt
with on the day. And that was some pretty dark stuff. Like I went through a lot
of different traumatic experiences right back to my childhood, dealing with
mother father wounds, dealing with work wounds, because the police showed up
lots of times along the track in various forms.

And Yeah, so I wrote about it and I actually had a couple of, ,
people say to me, , I'd love to hear about your experience, , are you going to
write about it? And I'm like, well, I kind of already have, , here's my
journals. And so I put my journals together in a manuscript and it's been
submitted to a couple of publishers.

Sorry. Fingers crossed. , I don't really want to go down the
route of self self publishing. , even though I will, if I have to, but I'm, I
think my story warrants being out there because the two people I gave to read
it, , when it was completed was a business mentor and she loved it. She goes,
Lots of women need to read this because there are so many relatable things.

She laughed, she cried, she dealt with all the emotions reading
it. , but then I met a colleague on the track working in the opposite
direction. So I walked from Albany to Kalamunda, but she'd walked Kalamunda to
Albany. didn't know her before that date, but we kept in touch after the track.
And I said to her, could you just read my manuscript as one, a fellow
colleague, and two, as somebody who's walked to the track, cause you will then
be able to understand it.

And she said, She said to me, well, , give me a little bit of
time because I don't read, I only listen to audio books. And she couldn't
believe that I'd done the whole track without any audio distraction. Cause
she's like, what? No music, no podcast, no audio books. I'm like, nah, nothing.
So she said to me, yeah, give me some time.

She read it in two days and then went back and started walking
the track again in the same direction that I'd walked it. She did it twice.
Yeah, she, well, she didn't do it completely the second time. She actually came
off the track for something else, but she walked probably a good two thirds of
it, but all just from reading my book, literally within the week of reading my
book, she was back on the track.

Rosie Skene:

Oh,
that's awesome.

Trudie Marie:

Yeah,
so I'm like, yeah, it's definitely got an appeal. It's definitely got a market
for just helping people deal with that. There's an alternative way of dealing
with trauma and that we're not alone in the traumas that we deal with. Like
everybody, everybody has a mother father point.

Everybody has childhood trauma. Everybody is dealing with
something.

Rosie Skene:

Yeah, exactly. Right. So what's up for you next? What do you, I know you've got your
podcast.

Trudie Marie:

Yeah, I launched my podcast on the 1st of April. So it was like a year anniversary
since starting the track and that's called Talking Free.

And I wanted it to be a place of sharing stories because what I
discovered through this whole process of PTS and within the agency was that I
lost my voice and I didn't stand up for myself and I didn't, articulate what
was going on, and I didn't want to allow that to happen again. So I was like,
let's find a way to, to have a voice and continue having a voice.

And the intro of my podcast says, as the girl who's always
talked too much, because I am, I was like, I found the perfect platform to have
my say. So I alternate between stories about my own life. , Or things that are
important to me and having special guests. So, uh, it's a way of giving people
a chance to have their say.

Rosie Skene:

I've listened to a few episodes of your podcast and I really enjoyed it. , one of
the stories that stood out for me was the, , I, sorry, I forgot her name, but
the. , former police officer that had a stroke at 37. . That was an incredible
story. And her mindset afterwards, you know, she said something , like, I'm not
glad that it happened to me, but I am because of how I've grown from the whole
experience and the recovery and everything like that.

And, you know, it's sort of how I feel about my own mental
health journey. , It's very different, obviously, than having a stroke and
having to physically recover , and do all those things. But, you know, I am
grateful that things have happened to me the way that they have, because I've
been able to grow from it.

, and I think that your podcast is a perfect platform for
people just to come and have a chat, , and share their stories without any
filters or repercussions, you know, of what might happen. So it's a great
podcast and I, I'll link to it in the show notes because I think people should
listen to it too.

Trudie Marie:

Oh, thank you. Yeah. And I was surprised, like, you know, starting off with
something like that, you're like, is it going to work? Are people going to
listen? And , at the end of the day, it's not about how many listeners you get
or how many downloads you get. It's like, I've given somebody the opportunity
of sharing their story, which they otherwise wouldn't have shared.

And if that story helps even just one person deal with
whatever's going on in their life, like even the current, uh, episode, which is
about a young girl who married her childhood sweetheart to only divorce him at
25 and go into a same sex relationship. , I released that during pride month
and I didn't know, and it was like, it's perfect timing.

It gave her a chance to tell her story. , but I've sent it to a
few friends who are also gay and they're like amazing, love it. And. It's
helping them go, it's okay with what's going on in my life. So that's what it's
all about is just creating positive impact for, and giving hope and inspiration
and support to somebody else.

Rosie Skene:

I
totally agree. And you know, that's the same as me with my podcast. I just,
just that one person, you know, and if you can, if you can help one person,
then that's what it's for.

Trudie Marie:

A
hundred percent. .

Rosie Skene:

Trudie.
Thank you so, so much for joining me today. , for sharing your story, your
incredible journey on the bib track. . And everything that's coming up for you,
I truly wish you the best. I can't wait to read your book once it's published.

, hopefully you'll have an audio book cause I too don't like
reading text a lot anymore. Um, but thanks so much for joining me. I really
appreciate it.

Trudie Marie:

Thank
you so much for having me. And like you, if somebody, just even one person can
take a little light of inspiration or motivation or. Just knowing that they're
not alone, then I know that I've made a difference.

Rosie Skene:

Absolutely.

Thanks again.

Outro:

I hope you've enjoyed today's episode. If you have, make sure
to hit subscribe so you never miss any new ones. We release fresh content every
Tuesday. And while you're there, take a moment to leave us a review. I would
genuinely appreciate your thoughts. Don't forget to connect with me on
Instagram and Facebook at Tactical Yoga Australia and share this episode with
your friends, family and workmates to spread inspiration.

Your support means the world. My name is Rosie Skene join me
again next week for another empowering and positive episode of Triumph Beyond
Trauma. Until then, be kind to your mind and trust in the magic of your
consistent and positive efforts. Triumph Beyond your trauma is closer than you
think. Have the best week.